Pragmatism

So here I am, trying to navigate this freaky, slightly murky (okay, very murky) path through this whole spiritual rebirth journey whatchamacallit thing. I am working on coming to terms with my om-ing New Agey self. I mean, I just told a friend to start meditating. I never thought in a million years I'd be saying that with a straight face. And yet, here I am, charting my chakras and reading books by a Zen monk named Thich Nhat Hanh. I guess when you open your mind, you never really know what the heck is going to happen next.

Unfortunately, I'm setting myself up to fail. This is a tiny little conversation in Peace is Every Step, a book by the aforementioned Thich Nhat Hanh, that caught my attention:

[A]n artist asked me, "What is the way to look at a flower so that I can make the most of it for my art?" I said, "If you look in that way, you cannot be in touch with the flower. Abandon all your projects so you can be with the flower with no intention of exploiting it or getting something from it."

I literally heard sirens in my head yelling, "Pay attention! Pay attention!" and had to reread it a few more times. While thinking about it, I realized I was doing it all wrong. That is, I was doing life all wrong. An intention is assigned to nearly everything I do, experience, or want in life. Nearly, because here are few things that have no ulterior motive: like loving people. I love my boyfriend, my family, and my friends all in specific ways and for no reason other than just to love them. Of course, I'd like to be loved back and I'm sure I am but I'm not going to tell them how much I want or how I'd like it. I just let it happen. It's easy for me to do. I don't know why. I haven't been hurt so perhaps that's why I can love in such a blind and simple way.

But when I do yoga or go for a walk outside, I'm looking for the benefits- flatter abs or to be all skinny and pretty. Why can't I just go for a walk? Must there be a reason? I kept catching myself at various points in Peace is Every Step thinking, "Oh, I should definitely write a blog for that. And that. And that." and I had to remind myself, I'm reading this for me, not for some internet fodder. When I try to meditate, I go in thinking, "How is this going to make me better?" or "How is this going to cure what ails me." and nearly every time, I emerge frustrated. No wonder it hasn't been working for me. 

Hidden agendas pretty much never end well. I've seen people, myself included, taken advantage of. Friends and loved ones get hurt. Things don't work out. Nobody is happy in the end. When I do a yoga session and I don't achieve what I expect, I'm not thrilled and that affects me for the rest of the day. Instead, I could've just have been enjoying my session, being grateful my body can even move and do what I ask of it. Those little things would've put me in a good mood for the rest of the day, but instead, I'm irritated because I didn't meet the standard I set. 

I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my journey. There is an end goal, and it's not wrong to have. After all, I need a direction in which to focus myself and my energy. But I also need to let go of all my expectations and my intentions and just let the journey take me where it will. Inner peace will never be achieved if I'm constantly disappointing myself and losing sight of my real goal. My goal not to be skinny and pretty (though that'd be nice) and it's not to have something to write about on this blog (though I'll keep doing that,) but it's to finally accept myself and live in harmony with my spirit, the earth, and the people on it.

Spiritual Rebirth

I'm crazy.

There. I've said it. It's out there.

We're all crazy inside. Each one of us has a neurosis. Just look deep in those dusty corners of the brain. Pull away the cobwebs and confront those scary thoughts that have embedded themselves into the squishy grey matter. These are our roots. Our deepest flaws we'd rather hide away; the reason why we're not merely the sum of our parts. They drive us or hold us back.

We're scared of them. That's why we bury them away and hope that no one notices. Some of us succeed, some of us do not. Though calling a well hidden neurosis a success depends on the perspective. For the one fearing exposure, it could be considered success. For the one who recognizes it for its destructive nature, hiding it well isn't success. Instead, it upsets life.

The way I see it, you can't clean a closet until you get in there deep and let everything inside see the bright, harsh daylight. You can't purge until you can decide what's good and what's bad. And you certainly can't organize and fill up the closet with what you need if all that junk is taking up space. 

There has been a series of events that have happened over the past couple of months that are serving as a giant mallet to the head. A sort of like "Hello, this is your life knocking on your door waiting to ask what the fuck is wrong with you?" and I've been barricading that door because, well, it's scary. No one wants to have to explain themselves, and imagine trying to explain yourself to yourself. Not only that, but you have to explain yourself without blaming anyone. 

I've done many terrible things. I've used and hurt people. I've been selfish and mean and I've let my crazy thoughts take over. I managed to get away with it, hiding things and bullshitting people. Not to mention, all the bad decisions I've chosen. Then, I met someone who pretty much saw right through me. I was completely exposed with nowhere to hide. In my pursuit to run away from myself, I ran smack dab into a glass wall and I've broken my nose, my arms, my body, and most of all, my spirit. And now I have to heal myself. 

Suddenly, I'm seeing a million and one signs all pointing the way. All telling me "heal yourself from the inside out," which is a much nicer way of saying "get your shit together" (which was actually my real message, ha!) I believe everything happens for a reason. The people we meet, the places we go, the decisions we make and everything that happens after; it's all for a very specific purpose.

It's time for me to clean out my closet. I have to confront my hidden neurosis and expose it so I can eliminate it. I need to learn to be more mindful of myself and all that exists around me. Peace won't exist until I've made peace with my inner self. This realization marks the first step towards my journey towards my spiritual rebirth.

I have so much to learn and I barely know where or how to begin. Research, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, healing chakras, whatever. There's so much and it can be overwhelming. But I believe I can do it and I'd like you to join me while I learn and fail (many, many times, I'm sure) and grow.

Great, now that I've told you, I have no excuse not to go on with it. Here goes!

Tiger Pose Chaturanga

I'm sad to say that I've been slacking on my yoga. Guitar Boy and I have been going on bike rides instead. The weather has been so lovely; it's hard to compare an hour indoors doing yoga with an hour (or more) outdoors biking and enjoying the beautiful Towpath. Yesterday, we managed to go 30 miles, much to my dismay because we were utterly wholly unprepared and were practically starving and shaking with hunger by the end of the ride. Next time, granola bars. Yep.

However, when I'm watching TV while winding down at night, I'll do a couple yoga poses during the commercials. Sometimes, I'll do a few quick Sun Salutations, other times, I'll do some twists and seated stretches. Yet other times, I'll do this modified Tiger Stretch I've seen in some yoga sessions but can't find the official name for it. I consider it a sort of Tiger Stretch chaturanga. Chaturangas are an important part of Sun Salutations. It's a yoga push up. What fun!

This modified Tiger Stretch is a vinyasa that includes an Extended Cat Stretch and a yoga push up, finishing with the Tiger Stretch. It's a great way to stretch out your spine and neck. It also strengthens your arms, most specifically your triceps, and it helps build your core. It's incredibly energizing. After I finish my sequence, my muscles are loose and renewed and I feel relaxed.

1. You begin in tabletop pose, (remember from the Cat-Cow Pose.) Stand on your hand and knees, your wrists below your shoulders and your knees below your hips. Keep your back and neck flat and straight and relax your jaw.

2. Then, shift your weight so it centers over your right knee. Inhale and slowly lift and stretch out your left leg. Reach it up while arching your back, lowering your belly down towards the floor, and looking up. This is the Extended Cat Pose.

3. Exhale, with your leg still lifted, soften your back slightly and begin to lower into the push up. Slowly, by bending your elbows back towards your hips, not out to the side, lower your chest to the floor in a mini push up. You will now look like a diagonal line with your leg in the air and your chest close to the ground.

4. Inhale, and slowly push yourself back up into the Extended Cat Pose in number 2.

5. Now, exhale and release your leg. Raise your back, bend your knee as you release the leg and bring it under your body close to your forehead. Lower your head to meet it and stretch your spine in the opposite way from the Extended Cat Pose. This is the Tiger Stretch.

6. Come back to the Extended Cat Pose and repeat 2 through 5 two more times on the same leg. Then, return to the table top pose.

7. Repeat the sequence three times on the opposite leg making sure to center your weight on your left knee first before raising your right leg. 

I do this three times on each leg then move into the Child's pose to relax for a minute. If you don't think you can manage the chaturanga, the push up, you can simply skip steps 3 and 4 and go straight into number 5. Do give it a chance though, you might find it a bit enjoyable!

Note: I am not a doctor or any type of medical/physical professional. My advice is given because it works for me, not because a doctor or professional said so. If you have any questions about your physical ability, please check with your doctor or physician first for all matters.  

Sketch images source

Photo image source

The Healing Power of Honey

I had the opportunity to test out honey's healing powers. About 5 weeks ago, I scraped my shoulder on the corner of those fire alarm boxes you see in offices and buildings. It wasn't rusted or anything or else I would've ran screaming for the next health center offering tetanus shots. However, I did want to pass out because I don't do well with blood or seeing exposed expanses of white flesh thanks to ultra-sharp metal corners. Anyway, it happened because I bent over to pick up something and got up way too fast.

So I thought this would be a great opportunity to try out all that I've learned about honey and its antibacterial, healing properties. For millenniums, honey has been nothing less than "liquid gold" when it came to health, healing, and happiness. Almost everyone knows that honey was used as embalming fluid in Ancient Egypt, but it doesn't end there. As far as 8,000 years ago, humans have been hunting for honey. (source) Not to mention, for at least 2,700 years that we can find, honey had been used for medical purposes whether through topical application or consumption. (source)

Here are the three valuable properties of honey in terms of healing:

(Sourced from: benefits-of-honey.com/honey-properties.html)

1. It's hygroscopic, which means when exposed to air, it naturally absorbs moisture in from the air. In treating open wounds, honey is useful as it could help prevent scarring by keeping the skin moist, encourage the growth of new tissues, and allow easy removal of any dressing by preventing dressing from becoming stuck to the skin.
2. It's antibacterial. Researchers began to document the healing properties of honey in the early part of the 20th century. This ceased with the development of antibiotics but recently the development of resistance to antibiotics has led to a resurgence of interest into the healing properties of honey. The effective antimicrobial agent in honey prohibits the growth of certain bacteria. It contains an enzyme that produces hydrogen peroxide which is believed to be the main reason for the antimicrobial activity of honey. Cuts, abrasions and scalds can be covered in honey to prevent bacteria from entering the wound and promote healing.
3. It's a source of antioxidants. Honey contains natural antioxidant properties that can destroy biologically destructive chemical agents which have been linked to many diseases such as cancer. Not only could honey's antioxidants help to eliminate free radicals in the body, they are also part of the nutrient supply for growth of new tissue. These precious honey properties help protect the skin under the sun and help the skin to rejuvenate and stay young-looking. (This could explain my inexplicable tan lines in that area, haha!)

If you're squeamish like me, you may not want to look at these photos. They're not dramatic or particularly gory, but sometimes I can get grossed out or lightheaded from the simplest wound. But this is a picture of my scrape a day after it happened:

Here's what I did to naturally heal it. I didn't just stop with honey but also used extra virgin olive oil and cocoa butter*.

• For the first week, I applied honey to the wound once in the morning and once at night and kept it covered with a bandage. 
• For the second week, I simultaneously applied honey and extra virgin olive oil to the wound twice daily and continued to keep it covered with a bandage.
• For the third week, Guitar Boy demanded I let it breathe so the bandage was exiled. I alternately applied olive oil and raw, pure cocoa butter on the wound for the first few days, then just continued applying cocoa butter for the rest.
• For the fourth week, I applied cocoa butter to it about three times daily. Usually whenever it felt dry.
• Here I am, on the fifth week. I apply cocoa butter, olive oil, and/or honey whenever I remember which tend to just be once a day at nights. 

*In test treatment of 1st and 2nd degree burns, cocoa butter promoted 100 percent regrowth of new skin by 8 to 9 days after injury, much more quickly than untreated burns. (source)

Guitar Boy says it looks 100 times better and the picture doesn't do it justice. I agree, though the white scar is bothering me. It's a little pink because I haven't been incredibly vigilant about applying sunscreen, but alas, that's the suntanned life for me. However, I recently read somewhere about the application of ginger juice to help turn scarred white skin into normal colored skin. I plan to look into that on a couple of old scars on my legs since I don't feel like my scrape is ready for it.

Here's the picture of it now:

Do you think there's a big improvement? If I never applied the honey, olive oil, and cocoa butter, I would've likely bandaged it for a week, then let it alone for the rest of time. I'm pretty sure it would dry out, scab over, and end up with scarring even worse than what I have now. What do you think?