I Am. In the Present.

There has been a recurring theme in my life. It comes in different faces, different messages, different situations, but it simply says this: 

Every day, we are all searching for that peace. One way or another, our minds are lagging behind in our past and skipping ahead into the future. All those to-do lists hanging over our heads, our regrets weighing down our hearts. Will it ever end?

It can, and it will… If you make that choice.

It is as simple as that. You make one choice. That choice to be within yourself, in the now, present and existing in this glorious world full of hope, love, sadness, anger, loneliness, and absolute joy. 

How do you know if thoughts about the past or future are positive? Simple, what are you feeling? Depression or nostalgia? Anxiety or hope?

I remind my student to notice their bodies, to realize they're sitting on their mat going from asana to asana. I ask them to look for tension within themselves whether in their muscles or in their minds. I tell them:

Notice it as you inhale. Release it as you exhale.

Breathe in and fill yourself up with the air that is around you right now. This air exists only in the now. The past and future are illusions of our minds. We invented them. We choose to call up painful memories and relive the negativity. We dive into our daydreams and lose sense of reality, responsibility, and self. We miss the very things going on right in front of us. So stop.

Inhale. Notice.

Exhale. Release.

Release the tension, the stress, the negativity, the memories and daydreams, the to-do lists and regrets. Release it all. 

Do you even remember what color your mat is? Will you walk out of class and forget everyone who shared the same sacred space as you?

Take a moment and ask yourself, "What is going on with me right now?" And then just observe. Remember ahimsa, loving kindness, and leave your judgement and criticism behind. Observe, notice, and be.

There, you will find the peace. It's been inside you all along.

Now, think of an image or word to see in your mind. Associate it with this beautiful feeling of peace. Concentrate upon this, breathing deeply. Inhaling and noticing. Exhaling and releasing.

Make a physical representation of this word or picture. You can draw it, paint it, sculpt it, write it, scrawl it across your mirror in dry erase markers. Concentrate on this physical reminder and find that feeling of peace.

Whenever you go through your daily life, call up that positive word or image as you start to spiral down into depression or anxiety. Concentrate, or meditate, upon it for even just thirty seconds. Find that peace and let it infuse you.

Search for more inspirational quotes from Lao Tzu. Another heart-hitting book is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I read this for my Yoga Teacher Training and it was very hard for me to understand at first, but with persistent reading, it finally came together and opened my eyes.

Do you have any good quotes, books, or messages to share on this theme?

Spiritual Rebirth

I'm crazy.

There. I've said it. It's out there.

We're all crazy inside. Each one of us has a neurosis. Just look deep in those dusty corners of the brain. Pull away the cobwebs and confront those scary thoughts that have embedded themselves into the squishy grey matter. These are our roots. Our deepest flaws we'd rather hide away; the reason why we're not merely the sum of our parts. They drive us or hold us back.

We're scared of them. That's why we bury them away and hope that no one notices. Some of us succeed, some of us do not. Though calling a well hidden neurosis a success depends on the perspective. For the one fearing exposure, it could be considered success. For the one who recognizes it for its destructive nature, hiding it well isn't success. Instead, it upsets life.

The way I see it, you can't clean a closet until you get in there deep and let everything inside see the bright, harsh daylight. You can't purge until you can decide what's good and what's bad. And you certainly can't organize and fill up the closet with what you need if all that junk is taking up space. 

There has been a series of events that have happened over the past couple of months that are serving as a giant mallet to the head. A sort of like "Hello, this is your life knocking on your door waiting to ask what the fuck is wrong with you?" and I've been barricading that door because, well, it's scary. No one wants to have to explain themselves, and imagine trying to explain yourself to yourself. Not only that, but you have to explain yourself without blaming anyone. 

I've done many terrible things. I've used and hurt people. I've been selfish and mean and I've let my crazy thoughts take over. I managed to get away with it, hiding things and bullshitting people. Not to mention, all the bad decisions I've chosen. Then, I met someone who pretty much saw right through me. I was completely exposed with nowhere to hide. In my pursuit to run away from myself, I ran smack dab into a glass wall and I've broken my nose, my arms, my body, and most of all, my spirit. And now I have to heal myself. 

Suddenly, I'm seeing a million and one signs all pointing the way. All telling me "heal yourself from the inside out," which is a much nicer way of saying "get your shit together" (which was actually my real message, ha!) I believe everything happens for a reason. The people we meet, the places we go, the decisions we make and everything that happens after; it's all for a very specific purpose.

It's time for me to clean out my closet. I have to confront my hidden neurosis and expose it so I can eliminate it. I need to learn to be more mindful of myself and all that exists around me. Peace won't exist until I've made peace with my inner self. This realization marks the first step towards my journey towards my spiritual rebirth.

I have so much to learn and I barely know where or how to begin. Research, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, healing chakras, whatever. There's so much and it can be overwhelming. But I believe I can do it and I'd like you to join me while I learn and fail (many, many times, I'm sure) and grow.

Great, now that I've told you, I have no excuse not to go on with it. Here goes!