Friday, January 10, 2014

To Virgo or Not to Virgo? The Zodiac Identity

Who reads horoscopes? Maybe you don't believe in the daily horoscopes, but you'll read all those cool personality descriptions that are linked to your zodiac sign. I know I did. I was so proud of being a Virgo. I mean, yeah, look at that. I'm a young, hot female with the young, hot female sign holding a sheaf of wheat. I love bread, so it makes sense.

Plus, Virgo has that vibe that hints at a bit of sexiness. Virgo, makes you think of "virgin," which makes you think... am I or aren't I? Ooh, now you're thinking of me like that. See? It wasn't that hard. It made me feel like a feisty femme fatale. I say I'm a Virgo and bam, I'm one step closer to getting you to buy me a drink.

Not that I really had that much success. I am seriously one awkward hot female if you can believe it.

Which is why I'm so disconcerted with every reference to "who" a Virgo is lately. Back then, I was fine with knowing a Virgo was someone who was a total clean freak but could kick ass at being a total slob when it comes to it. They're know-it-alls. They're kind of uppity. They love fashion and pretty things. But at some period of my life, all these descriptions started to become less superficial and more personal.

And I became more disturbed.

The person I was reading about in these astronomy books and horoscope articles didn't sound like me at all. Some of it would apply to me- like I am a very supportive and loyal person. Blindly so, sometimes. But they make a Virgo out to be some kind of wallflower, patiently and quietly offering a hand to people. I am supportive and I want to help when and where I can, but I want to stand out and create something for myself too. How does that fit? I'm not a wallflower. 

They hold grudges. I used to do that. I was the queen of holding grudges. But now, I can't think of a worse way to waste my energy. They like material things. While I do love to lust at pretty little trinkets, I sure as hell do not want them collecting dust on my dresser. 

There's more but it's not worth recounting. What bothers me is the deep connection and acceptance I had with my zodiac sign has turned into some sort of loss of identity. I no longer relate to being a Virgo. I don't see myself in these descriptions anymore. I've built myself up to be Beatrice, this fascinating person who has an incredible ability to harbor two completely opposing opinions of herself at the same time. 

Then, I wonder- Is it because I don't like that person they describe as a Virgo that I fight so hard against it now? Am I in denial? Am I still really a Virgo and can't handle it anymore?

You're probably wondering why I'm getting so worked up over something that could very well be complete bullshit. 2013 has been a year of major growth for me. I've shedded a pretty thick skin of what used to define Beatrice. I left behind an old name, even. I'm in a completely new mindset and the old Beatrice isn't cutting it. I'm realizing that while I'll always have the same birthdate and count my years with that date, I've been reborn in a different astronomical time. The zodiac doesn't count for me anymore and you know what, I'm pretty excited not to define myself as a Virgo anymore. 

So next time someone asks for my sign, I'll say, "Oh hi! I'm Beatrice."

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